We all know that historically, sex and sexuality have not been used in a positive and life-affirming way (especially not in the case of the female gender). At the beginning of 2015, I can see that sexuality is still not used to affirm life. From my numerous years as daughter, mother, lover, friend and through creating various types of relationships with women, I can see that we do not feel healthy and sexually full.
There is still a lot of manipulation and frustration around feelings to do with sexuality. Yes, it is a subject that is spoken about, but it is either in clinical sterile theoretical environments, or raucous “I’m so-embarrassed I will use ironic humour” environments, or therapeutic “let’s feel the touchy-feely conscious love, but once it is finished I still hate myself” environments.
The fact of the matter is it is not something we should need to talk about; sexual life energy is as natural as breath. You have it because it lives you, it is your motivating force and it is powerful. But its power is not in its sacred ability to ascend you into communion with God, (that is already the case). Its power is to make the ordinary profound again. You can now become an ordinary, balanced (sattvic) human being. No clinging, no pushing away, merely being.
Through these women’s sexuality workshops I want to explain and show how it is possible to reconsider and re arrange one’s perception of life through relationship, not relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend, mother or father, but relationship with the Life that you are.
I can’t use techniques or recommend therapies because that would be contradicting a deep intuitive knowing that I Iive with, which is the realisation that we are already full, free and sexually complete. I have come to realise this is always available, I just decided somewhere in my life to take on the belief that it was not.
Without being aware of this, I accumulated strong opinions and feelings around sex and sexuality. Although not a religious person I tended to be religiously moralistic and judgmental in nature, for example, about who I should sex with, how I should sex, how this should take place and how I was to approach the sex act, usually on the basis of some Christian tenets that I had taken on while still young. They did not affirm my already inherent pleasurable feelings of sexuality. My opinions and judgments were a blanket or cover that shut out the wonder of my full sexualness because they often created guilt and shame in me.
Sexuality, a path fraught with conundrum and fascination, was an appropriate subject and avenue to observe whether I had a sound relationship with my Life force or energy, as opposed to a fragmented relationship with external authorities that I felt I had to listen to, please or manipulate.
Eventually, when I realised I was not living my inherent Life qualities, I began to confront my habitual need to use sex merely to control another or to fulfill myself. I wanted to confront this loss of power, which revealed itself to me through an obvious self consciousness, embarrassment, and behaviour orientated towards getting the approval of others. Amongst other things, that led to unhealthy acts of sex and demeaning feelings about my sexuality and gender.
I began to understand over time that I had been sold the greatest, most convincing lie of my life: that I needed to do something or have someone to make myself feel happy, contented and loved. I understood that the constant stream of my sexual pleasurable life had been ignored and become hidden to me, for the sake of believing a historically convincing lie and taking on an illusion (2 billion plus people just couldn’t be wrong!).